Friday, August 20, 2010

mirror mirror

It's funny how we look in the mirror
 and see what we want to see

I am someone
who almost unwaveringly
sees her same self...
the girl, the woman
she's just always been there
it's not that I have any fantasies
about being younger than I actually am...
this is simply the person
I am...
being and becoming...
never all that different...

When I try to look inside myself
for answers, challenges, change...
that's quite a different matter...
 I never know who I'll find waiting...

This summer Ethan is obsessed with wizards...
 all wizards need magical animal helpers...
I got him a tiny stuffed spotted owl
 he calls her, "Little Gramma"...
Of course, Little Gramma is extremely wise...

I know with loving pride
 and a few tears
that this is his reflection of feelings
for Big Gramma...
but when I look in the mirror
or within myself
wisdom, especially owl wisdom...
is not what I am seeing...

I am a wiser woman
than my younger self...
but my wisdom grew mostly from sorrow
I did not learn it
the way I imagined I would
it doesn't feel earned...
it doesn't seem tangible

If I keep hanging out
with the Wizard, Ethan Starsword
and his owl, Little Gramma
I can look in the mirror
and never doubt
that what I will see is love

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