Monday, August 16, 2010

wavering light

I am afraid of matches
I keep my childhood dimly lit
I wanted to give my children something bright
I imagine being fearless,
lighting one thousand candles
Why couldn't I blow out candles
or eat cake on my last birthday
I wonder, do wax and ice cream melt at the same speed
I can assure you, we all have wicks
but some of us won't admit it
I believe more people should be afraid of matches
In the opaque light of dreaming,
I see a day when he wants to kiss me
and my cheek is no longer soft or warm
though my perfume will be the same
hanging in the air around me
like a frame
If I light a candle as I pray
will my prayers have more resonance
I remember candlelight more blinding than sunlight
I am searching for the Sabbaths of unlit candles
I have been told the guests at a candle lit table
are more expectant
This is something I understand

Each night
 before I go to sleep
 I injection myself with Copaxone...
it has become a habit
 it is not really difficult to do
 Each night
I become reflective
as I open the sterilized wipe
then the prepackaged syringe
swab my skin
and push the needle into me
Each night
 for just one tiny moment
I allow my self to whisper...
"I never imagined myself doing this..."

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