Tuesday, October 19, 2010

the nice girl

Nice is one of those words...
the kind that isn't very exciting to use...
a word when paired with someones name implies,
she's boring, bland, plain, dull, prim, prissy, proper...
or she's a goody-goody, a namby-pamby, mealy mouthed,
too nice for words, she's ordinary, okay, vanilla...
Who would want to know her...
or be her...
but the truth is, lots of us are her
we just don't see ourselves that way
until the nice girl dilemma slaps our nice little face

Before I continue, I must also say
that my trusty Synonym Finder also describes nice as
agreeable, friendly, cozy, elegant, benevolent...
as well as polished, gracious, understanding and sympathethic...
I think more of us nice girls might actually see ourselves this way...

When someone is using our very niceness
as the way and means to hurt us,
over look us or keep us where they want us,
all they see is someone who is kind,
has good manners
 and would never dream of making a fuss
as they are stepped over...
anything that splinters or shatterers
collateral damage...

When I was a very little girl
I used to spank my favourite dolls
crying as I did this,
"I love you but..."

As I think back on this legendary tale
from my childhood
it's easy to trace the beginning
of my nice girl...

when butterflies made all the noise

I have been
a woman who whispers
hiding under hats
behind dark glasses
my voice still water

committed
to inverted screams
that ricochet
against my ribs
how much longer
can I survive

never offending
never defending
butterflies are making more noise
than I do

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