Tuesday, October 5, 2010

sleepless on the moon

This weekend I was in Palm Desert, California.
We took Ethan there to visit his Grammsy-Papa...

Whenever we have a sleep over,
a pj party, he talks and talks
and then he talks some more
 until finally he drifts off to dreamland...
usually a prearranged destination
where we've planned to meet up
and share a magical, mysterious night time adventure...

I would have liked to join Ethan
 for our dreamland rendezvous
but as usual, sleep did not come
quickly or easily...

At first I was quite content
to watch his sweet face in repose
he looked so peaceful...
sweet and content
amongst his pile of animal friends...

His head was resting on Big Ducky
his suddenly longer limbs blanketed by Lilirosie
and Mischa was just beneath his toes
Besides Gaby, on top of the pillow under Big Ducky,
there was the most important Da and Amigo,
Bruiser Boy and Pancake, the stuffed dogs
 Little Gramma, Little Hempa and Little EJ, the owls,
Prince Snow Jade, his Unicorn and Golden Gamma, his dragon

It was truly a bed made of magic...perfect for dreams...

Why couldn't I lose myself in all that coziness...
The soft rhythm of Ethan's breathing,
the familiar comfort of sleeping poodles' snorts and sighs
I should have been lulled to sleep like a baby
but there I am, restless, achy, a bit melancholy...
my head a bee hive of activity
and now it's 2 o'clock in the morning...
The way my mind was jumping
it could have been 2 o'clock in the afternoon...

Overwhelmed with sleeplessness
I decided to treat myself
to the pleasures of the desert night

Quietly, I opened the door,
stepping out into the courtyard
followed by my three sleepy but nosy poodles

Desert nights are mystical, glorious, sensuous...
 looming large and feeling ancient...
I take a breathe and look up at the sky
and I'm lost in a cavern of midnight blue
stars shimmer and pulse and glow
from every corner, from every angle
high and low, so close...so close...

My only disappointment that there is no moon...

Then a silly little thought flickers by
and I grab it
and it begins to grow
taking on proportions, a sort of life force
of its own

Would I be sleepless on the moon?
Would it matter?

What makes me sleepless here, on earth...
To begin with, I don't know what to begin with...
So, I'm just making a list
and noting that the order could be rearranged
depending on the night in question...

my cluttered mind
MS pains and aches
worrying aka my cluttered mind
a frayed heart

I imagine myself floating on the moon
would I be sleepless...
would it matter...

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