Wednesday, July 13, 2011

MS...as usual...

This won't be the longest blog I ever wrote...
it's one of those blogs
when I just need to write something
so that I feel that I'm productive...
acting positively...
and not giving in...

My legs feel like flaming red hot torches...
Everyday my head seems to pound
a new beat...
Just when I catch on to the tune
it switches slightly...
Confounding me yet again...
How will I learn it this time?

My fingers twitch...
they tingle...
they jump...
they burn, they snap, they pop...
I drop things...
Then suddenly,
it feels like I don't have any fingers...

Nights are like long narrow tunnels...
I twist and turn
then twist again...
wishing I could stash my limbs
into a magic box...
and retrieve them
in the morning...

I feel a bit like I'm lost...
My world has become so small...
When I feel this way
I live like a recluse
or a hermit...
it's lonely...
but who wants to hear someone complain...

I'm tired of the dialogue
inside my head...

The summer landscape stretches
wide and endless in front of me...
The barometric pressure bounces daily...
Time is not a luxury when it's all you've got...

But Friday afternoon Ethan will burst through the door
after science camp laughing and shouting
"Gramma..."
He's having dinner with us
and spending the night...

That magic box will suddenly appear...
for those few precious hours...
my MS will slip neatly inside
closing the lid...

And Ethan and I can play,
we can read or swim
or do anything at all
that strikes our fancy...