Thursday, October 13, 2011

if you're going to be buzzing...

When I woke up Monday morning
that long lean headache was lounging
at the foot of the bed...
daring me to get up
and start dancing...

Hadn't he had enough...
pulling me around the floor
til almost dawn...

Now another day would begin with extra meds...
Thanks for the dance, long and lean...

Sometimes my medication makes me very quiet...
Sometimes my medication makes me speak very very very fast...
in long loopy run on sentences...
the kind they warn you about in school...
the kind that no one can follow...

Sometimes MS makes my cognitive skills scramble...
And yes, getting older does it too!
but it's not quite the same...
and I can't exactly explain it...

The headaches and the migraine medication also
have a strange effect on my cognitive skills...
and it varies from headache to headache...

I've talked about my other skeleton...
those icy bones that seem to float away from my body...
after taking a migraine pill...

Often the same thing will happen
to my thoughts and words...
I'm trying to use them,
to speak them or write them...
and there they go...
floating off like bubbles
evaporating like mist...

Desperately, sometimes tearfully,
I try to catch them...
grab them, hold on as tightly as I can...
but it's an impossible task...
Either the headache
or the medication always wins...

As my day went by on Monday
I remembered that I had finally
written this blog the night before...

It had been looming there...
making me sad and wistful...
wishing for the simple joy
I get from putting words together,
for too long...

But I had done it...

I went to the computer to read it...
Trying not to be the critical writer
I decided to feel satisfied instead...

It's Thursday now...
I've had more headaches...
I've needed to take more meds...

And then there's all the usual MS stuff...
especially all that buzzing and humming
my body does to keep me entertained
and on my toes...

I do not take this lightly
but after all these years 
of buzzing and humming along everyday
you need a sense of humour
so for me it's playing with the words
I use to describe it...

So, it's Thursday...
and I realized when I woke up this morning
that I had been buzzing a bit more this week...

Not buzzing as usual...
but I have this buzz...

It came from
that simple joy and pleasure
I got Sunday night
when I grabbed a few words out of the air
as they floated by
and made them my own
in my own little space...
and actually pushed the publish post button
by choice...

You will just have to wait awhile for that dance,
long and lean...
I'm busy buzzing...

No comments:

Post a Comment